So, while I did get some walking done, I haven't been real good about it, or at keeping up with this blog for that matter. I realized the reason I have been so "eh" about it on my last walk: I am very fearful of getting my first mammogram. Part of me desires to put breast cancer out of my brain, completely, because I am worried about what the mammogram will say, especially since I know way too many women (and a few men) suffering from this disease. I KNOW early detection is the key, and I really should have done it on my birthday, but I am just so frightened. I have no family history: meaning I have no medical history of any blood relation because I was adopted at birth in a closed adoption at a time when they didn't/couldn't test DNA for future probability of diseases, not that my family has no history of the disease. Such a big difference! Part of me never wants to know, because if I have it, my babies are at a higher risk of having it, and I am the first they have of their maternal family history.
But, I don't want to die either.
So, if I don't get my butt in gear and get the mammogram done, I may just end up being too late to do anything about it. Not writing in this blog, or walking, or raising money, well, it kept me from facing the fact that I HAVE to get a mammogram, sooner rather than later. Not writing, kept me from promising that I will get it done. Not, not not....And while I DID call the Komen Foundation - that just lead me down a stress-filled path. The help they gave me was almost too good - locations of providers, costs, how to qualify for lower costs, etc. The woman that answered even tried to help ease my fears a bit. But it all depends on all this medical insurance non-sense.....
Reviewing insurance plans - is it covered, is it not? Does it matter where I go? Is one place better than another? Which one is better? If I get a positive result, will I get a second mammogram and will that one be covered as well?Do I qualify for subsidized testing? Is there anywhere in this sub-sub-urban area I live that does this? Are they reputable or should I go to the city to have it done? Can I afford it if it is not covered? Can I afford NOT to get one?
NO I CAN'T because, I don't want to die.
While I write all this now, tonight, I know I am gaining the strength to face this stupid fear I have, but not yet, not yet. NOT, NOT, NOT.
I will change this, I will. And I know I will, because I have actually walked over 1 mile purposefully twice while on vacation with family. Pulling away from the fun in order to walk over an hour by yourself is not an easy task, but I need to get my butt in gear, and get this thing moving again!!!
Here is a walk I did while vacationing in Florida (look, I walked on water!!) :
Here is a walk I did while vacationing in Missouri (I did this one in dress flats - because I HAD to walk and my sneakers were no where to be found):
Thanks for reading! ~ Deanna